Who’s a Dumbbell Now?

The latest on the Physical Therapy front is that they now say I have a frozen shoulder.  I made the mistake of looking up that term on the Internet and decided I’d better stop reading after I saw things like this:

– Can clear up on its own after around 2 years time.
-Therapy might consist of dislocating your arm from the shoulder cap and then popping it back in numerous times (I’m paraphrasing here but that seemed to be the general gist of it).
-If the therapy proves too painful, a surgeon can do the manipulating of your shoulder and arm while you are under general anesthesia but it is not uncommon for the patient’s arm to get broken in the process (Yikes!)

How the heck did my shoulder get frozen in the first place?  I read on.  Seems that it can happen if you injure your shoulder.  I can’t remember doing that but who knows?  Maybe I injured it in a “after 20-year” post-chemo brain fog.  Or maybe Mad Cow Disease finally caught up to me after eating that Steak Tartare sandwich in Germany in the 70’s and I went on some violent shoulder-whacking binge unbeknownst to me.  Or it could be that folks with hypothyroidism and osteoporosis are prone to these shoulder incidents (more likely in my case).

I think I’ll just stick with the physical therapy for now but that doesn’t stop me from complaining about it.

“I really wish I could sit around and pick up marbles with my toes instead of having to do those stretchy band exercises, ” I was complaining to the Commander.

“You don’t have a problem with your toes,” he replied.

Hmph!  No sympathy from him.  I tried the same thing on my therapist today.

“If you think picking up marbles will help get you ready for all the band exercises, you can pick up as many as you want,” he said.

They have graduated me to two-pound weights for several exercises I do where I lift my arm in different directions.  I’ve already almost cold-cocked one therapist with the weight (totally by accident) and just missed another’s jaw the other day.

They’re giving me a wide berth now when they see me with a weight in my hand.  Hmmm, maybe I could work this into a bargaining chip.

“Really, I think I’d be much less of a threat to everybody if you just sit me down at one of those little tables, put an ice pack over my shoulder, give me a nice neck massage, and let me pick up paper clips and put them into a little box for ten minutes,” I could say.

Sounds like a plan to me.

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