This Little Piggy Went “Ouch!”

I was in Sunday School yesterday and we were getting ready to start.  We first share prayer concerns and praises.  Now our class is called the “50’s and 60’s” but I’m beginning to think we ought to be called the “Walking Wounded.”  In fact, when someone walked in and said, “Does it matter where I sit?”, I responded by saying, “Well, if you’re injured or aching, this is the side for you.  If you are feeling like protesting the System or rebelling against something, take a seat on the end row and if you’re normal today, head to the other side.”

I wasn’t kidding!  On my row, we had one of my best friends (well, in absentia but it’s her normal row) who had to head to the hospital this past week to get lots of drugs for pain and inflammation because of sciatica and back pain.  We had me with the frozen shoulder and possible broken toe (more on that in a minute) and we had another friend who was busy describing the shooting pains across her bottom.  Her doctor was recommending back surgery and she was describing the procedure to another classmate from the “normal” side who had wandered over (but we’ll make an exception for her because she was in pain yesterday, too).

When I heard her telling our friend how the doctor usually goes in from the front and has to move the organs out of the way to access your spine, while watching out for the big arteries, I figured it was either time to pass out or switch channels and tune in to the back row folks who were passionately discussing the recent vote on health care reform.  Oy!

Back to my darn foot.  I was coming back to bed from a nocturnal bathroom break in the dark and ran right into one of our recliners.  Actually, my little toe ran into it and I ended up hopping back the rest of the way to bed.  Other than being chagrined at my stupidity, I didn’t think too much about it until I stepped out of bed Sunday morning and shooting pains came from my foot.  Yikes!

The Commander offered me some medical tape and suggested I tape the pinkie to the neighboring toe.  Great!  It’s not a pretty foot to begin with.  I have a neuroma between the second and third toes that causes several of these toes to curl up rigidly.  It’s sure not from wearing high heels.  Never have worn those except for the rare dress-up occasion.  It’s just from the skeletal and musculature structure of my feet.  I had one on the other side but somehow that resolved itself over several years.  I have no idea how.  But back to the tape.  I told the Commander, “Imagine someone strapping a basketball at your waist and then having them tell you to bend over and tape up your toes.  My stomach is too big to do toe taping.  I can’t breathe if I try to do that.”

Perhaps it is time to crack open this book that I bought over 3 years ago.  It has sat on my bookshelves and I’ve never even looked inside it.  Maybe it will give me something to do while I have my foot elevated.  Just kidding.  My foot actually feels better today so maybe I lucked out and just jammed it instead of breaking the toe.  At any rate, it’s a good thing that clumsiness isn’t an illness or I’d be quarantined.

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Hot Flashed Funk


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