One Sexy Shirt

Surplus Commodities Program. (53227(1770), 00/...Image via Wikipedia

I swear the local grocery store should pay me for providing entertainment every time I go shopping there.  Today was no exception.  It was supposed to be just a quick pop in and pop out around lunchtime.  I had a short list so I grabbed one of those electronic scanners that let you scan your own items as you go through the store.

French CroissantImage via Wikipedia

Everything was going fine until I got to the last aisle and was going past the bakery section.  That’s always my Waterloo.  I was sorely tempted to pop a few donuts in my bag but I’m really trying to give them up.  However, the little carrot cakes were loudly calling my name.  I told them to pipe down, mainly because I didn’t think I could get one home and get the top of it eaten and the rest thrown away before the Commander returned back from his errands.  I decided to be virtuous and settle for a croissant.  I put one in a little bag and scanned the barcode for croissants.  Whoa!  My scanner started making an alarm noise and when I peered at it, the screen said, “Item exception.  Take to a clerk.”  Ok, but I also noticed that something else had popped up on the screen of my scanner.  When I had scanned the barcode, not only did an alarm go off, but an item showed up on my list of things purchased.  It said, “Sexy Shirt.”  Say what?

I looked up in confusion and looked straight into the eyes of a bakery worker.  My face must have been quite expressive because he came right over and asked if he could help me.

“I just scanned the croissant barcode and it came up as “one sexy shirt,” I explained.  

UPC-A barcodeImage via Wikipedia

“Good grief,” he said.  “I’ve never used one of those scanners but I think you can remove items.  Why don’t you see if you can remove it?”

I tried and all that happened was that my scanner just made that alarm sound some more.  “I’ll call a manager over,” the bakery guy offered.

Soon an official-looking lady showed up and I had to explain the whole thing again.  When I got to the part about the “sexy shirt”, she started to laugh.  I laughed too.  What else could I do?

“So where’s this sexy shirt?” she asked.

“Well I can guarantee you that it isn’t in there with the ground beef or the Di-gel,” I vowed.

After about five minutes of her fiddling with the scanner and the errant barcode, she finally gave up and told me to meet her at her computer, halfway across the store.   I dutifully trudged after her and we were ready for Round Two.

“Can I see your Frequent Shopper Card?” she asked.

“With my luck today, if you scan it, it will probably show up as “One Sexy Pants,” I countered.

We traded quips back and forth as she tried more things on her computer, all of which didn’t work, and then it was time to try another tactic.  We headed over to the Easy Shop terminals.

 “Just scan the “End Order” barcode at this terminal and I’ll tell the clerk what’s going on,” she said.

“OK, but I have to tell you that I NEVER have any luck getting these barcodes to scan when I try to check out,” I replied.  “I always have to get the clerk to do it for me.”  True to my prediction, it would NOT scan.

My friendly manager tried it, the Easy Shop clerk tried it and then they went around to ALL of the other Easy Shop terminals and tried those barcodes and none of them worked either until they got to the last one.  Finally, success!  But wait…..the computer screen was telling me to “Scan my first item.”  Excuse me, didn’t I already do that and isn’t that what caused all this trouble in the first place?  The clerk did some more fiddling around and at last my items started popping up on the screen, including the “sexy shirt.”

The manager and the clerk huddled together over their terminal and tried to figure out how to get the shirt off of my bill.  They weren’t having any luck so they decided to call a third manager over.  They explained it all again and I dutifully held up the croissant bag which was most definitely NOT a sexy shirt.  The third manager tried to stifle a giggle but couldn’t.  She started to laugh and looked at me helplessly.  “I’m so sorry,” she apologized.  “I know I shouldn’t be laughing but I can’t seem to help myself.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” I said.  “It could be worse.  It could have said ‘one ugly shirt.'”

FINALLY everything got straightened out.  They never did figure out how to delete the shirt off my bill so instead they issued me a refund for the cost of it.  As long as I didn’t have to pay the extra $14.95, that was fine by me.

As I left, they couldn’t have been more apologetic. “No problem,” I assured them.  “I needed something to blog about today and this will be perfect.”

I was almost tempted to make a detour on the way home to do some shirt shopping.

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Hot Flashed Funk

  • Hi Dee,

    Loved the story. I laughed out loud several times!!! Sure wish we lived closer You are so clever. The scanner knew you were someone important! Kris

  • Oh my goodness….quite the ‘short’ stop, wasn’t it?

    Computers…..they are wonderful when they work.


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